This post is written for a friend.
The point of desperation is often the point of truth.
He wrote.
How do your move forward, when you still expect the carpet to be pulled out from under you? If you can move at all? Let alone move forward?
Of course, there is the very real possibility that you might have to take a step back. (And that is okay. An abnormal reaction, to an abnormal situation, is normal).
He spoke to me in metaphor, of Phoenix and flames. And having chosen to burn in his own flame and made the decision to go again from the ashes… in doing so, shared his summary declaration:
I try to be kinder than you’ve been. I forgive you. And I won’t forget.
Be kind. Don’t forget.
His declaration may appear simple. Three short sentences. One aim, two statements. It is not.
Together, they require that he is able to obey himself. To make the conscious decision to “be kinder,” than they were. (I do not need to know the details and I have not asked).
Second, that kindness is commanded with the full commitment of unconditional forgiveness. And that he “won’t forget.” To define one’s thoughts, and subsequent actions, when the shadows of our feelings may well be longer, darker, only makes this commitment more impressive.
It is a bold and affirming declaration. One I admire.
Behaviour shapes emotion. And by behaving in a certain way, we cultivate the corresponding feelings. His declaration is the cornerstone of modern therapeutic approaches, approaches that validate the concept that “act and you will become.”
The privilege of owning your thoughts: no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. Kinder is a great option.
I am proud of you.
